you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
