I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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