Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
