happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
