It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
