My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
