I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
