Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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