i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
