This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
