Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
