I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
