Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
