Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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