i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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