The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
