do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
