i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
