I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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