Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
