If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just want to make out with him forever
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
