What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
