Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize