ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
