So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
