Your tits are I can't wait for
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
