no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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