we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
