you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
