What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
