remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
