Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My cat gives me a boner
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
