I'm drive I can fine osifer
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
