We named our party play list daddy issues
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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