i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
