I must be too annoying 4 u.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
