we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Randomize
