I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
