so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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