I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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