hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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