Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
