just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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