i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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