the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
