I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
