my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
