I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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