I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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