You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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