The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
