I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
