every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Too much gin, very little bucket
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
