I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
