her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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