I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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