ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
