You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
