Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize