The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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