maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
