Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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