Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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