i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
