i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Damn victory sex feels great
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
