great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
